


"I'm not the only one who thinks that!"

by gayrichmac



Category: Falsettos - Lapine/Finn
Genre: 90 percent dialogue because I am a bad writer, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Avril Lavigne was murdered, Comma overuse, Crack, F/F, Fluff, Lesbians, M/M, but like that was a thing, falsettoland, falsettos mini fic party, march of the falsettos, no just kidding, probably, prompt, tkf, yay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-23
Updated: 2017-09-23
Packaged: 2019-01-04 09:16:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12165984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gayrichmac/pseuds/gayrichmac
Summary: For the mini-fic party on tumblrWhizzer insists that Avril Lavigne was killed and replaced, and Marvin thinks that he's insane. Then the lesbians come over and Marvin thinks they're insane too. Everyone makes fun of him.Also known as Every Day Is Bully Marvin Day





	"I'm not the only one who thinks that!"

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this at 11 pm and very tired and that prompt was really difficult for me
> 
> Unedited, I didn't even read through it, I'm tired, don't bully me
> 
> I really wanted to do something for this so whatever this happened

"I'm not the only one who thinks that! It's not just me!"

“No, I'm sorry, there is literally no chance it hell.”

Whizzer sighed. “Of course she's dead! Okay, um, one sec, babe, I saw this last year, lemme show you.”

Marvin raised an eyebrow. “You cannot possibly believe that someone killed Avril Lavigne and the current Avril Lavigne is her murderer.”

“It makes sense!” Whizzer argued, still scrolling through Google. “Okay, okay, I found it. Read it.” Marvin took the phone. “Look, like, her freckle is in a different place--”

“No it's not.”

“Yes it is! And her entire style changed also.”

“Whizzer, sweetie, dearest, light of my life, did you really act this way when you were a teenager?”

Whizzer looked affronted. “Excuse me?”

He stood up and opted to sit across from Whizzer on the coffee table. “You've grown up since you were fifteen, correct?”

“Get off the coffee table, you're gonna break it.”

Marvin made a noise in the back of his throat and raised an eyebrow. “I am _not_ that heavy.”

“Yeah, you are, babe. Don't worry about it, everyone is besides Jason.” Whizzer shrugged. “Don't take it personally.”

“Well, I haven't broken it yet, have I?”

“I'll take away sex.”

Marvin stood up. “She looks different because when kids get to a certain age, Whizzer, their bodies start to change. This is called puberty. It is the transition between--”

“It's just too different!” Whizzer interrupted, not really wanting to hear the rest of the speech. “She was murdered, Marvin, and nobody realized. This is a terrible crime and you're just denying it because that's what privileged white males do.”

“You're a privileged white male.”

“No I'm not, I'm gay.”

“So am I.”

Whizzer hummed noncommittally. “Yeah, but you just get the benefits of homosexuality without the risks. You look straight.”

“That's homophobia.”

“No it's not, I'm gay.”

“That's no excuse.”

The door swung open behind them and Charlotte and Cordelia walked in for their weekly dinner. “Honey, I'm home!” Charlotte called.

“Hello, sweetie,” Whizzer smiled, kissing her cheeks before taking a few steps to the side to do the same to Cordelia.

“You don't even live here.”

“Marvin, question,” Charlotte began, making her way into the living room. “How many sticks are up your ass, and why?” Marvin glared at her.

“Oh, he's just mad because he can't think of a good enough reason that Avril Lavigne wasn't brutally slaughtered and then replaced by her murderer.” Whizzer said.

“Oh, come on.” Marvin sighed. “You don't believe this bullshit either, right?” He looked at the lesbians hopefully.

“No, sorry.” Cordelia shrugged. “She was definitely killed.”

“Obviously. I mean, her freckle was in a different place, and the way her style changed!”

“Yes!” Whizzer called from inside the kitchen. “Exactly. He still doesn't believe it. Even after I showed him the pictures.” Marvin didn't need to see Whizzer to tell he was shaking his head in mock sadness.

“Marvin, I know you're Jewish, but science is real, and you just need to accept that.” Charlotte said.

“You're Jewish too, and it has nothing to do with that. It's just logic.”

“Marvin, you're outnumbered” Cordelia laughed. “Avril Lavigne is dead. She's gone now. I cried when I first found out, just let it out, honey. Let it out.”

Marvin glared at no one in particular. “What the fuck.”

 

Cordelia had put dinner on the table and they were halfway through before it came up again.

“Why are you so insistent on her being dead?” Marvin asked. “Why must everything be so dramatic?”

Cordelia sighed. “Heterosexuals. They just don't get it.”

“I'm gay.”

“Whatever.”

“Marv, just because you don't understand something doesn't make it inherently wrong.” Whizzer grinned.

“Yeah, Marvin. Stop being so self-righteous.”

“I'm… I'm not? This is just genuinely the only reasonable explanation.”

“That she's not dead? Please. That's not an explanation. That's something a murderer would say.”

“What the fuck is wrong with you people.”

“That's something a homophobe would say.”

“Stop bullying me.”

 

It was a few hours after that when it was next brought up.

“Whizzer?” Marvin asked, rolling over to face his lover.

“Hmm?”

“You don't really believe that she was murdered, right?”

“She was murdered, end of story.”

He turned onto his back and stared at the ceiling. “So this wasn't just Bully Marvin Day, September 2017?”

“No, we have that planned though.”

“Wait, wh--”

“Good night, baby.” Whizzer gave him a soft kiss before resting his head against him and curling up against his side.

Marvin stayed there for a while, staring at the ceiling and sweating nervously. “What the fuck.”

**Author's Note:**

> What the fuck I'm tired
> 
> Tumblr: gay-richmac
> 
> Please talk to me I’m not fun but I’m certainly something
> 
> I edited it because I accidentally wrote October because in my mind it's always October but the Calendar says it's not


End file.
